For those waiting on life to happen.

This week’s topic was really handed to me on a silver platter. Originally, I thought it was gonna be a “23 things I learned in 23 years” type thing. About 30 minutes ago, I walked into this lovely café, aiming to write that essay. So when they told me they were closing in 15min, I was about to look for another one. But then I saw a Piano in the corner.

I asked if it’s tuned. It wasn’t, but still playable. So I just started playing. When they started closing the café, I got up to go - but they asked me to stay. Pleasantly surprised, I did. Started asking them for requests and played their favourite songs.

Did I play them perfectly? Hell no. Did I mess up chords? Yup. Did my voice crack? Indeed. But more importantly: Did I brighten their day - and mine too? I believe so.

This whole interaction was wonderfully illustrative of this week’s idea: What if you stopped waiting? But first: Credit where credit is due. A month ago, I probably wouldn’t have done this. What changed?

🧩 Core Memories

Well, two weeks ago, my dear friend Svenja asked me about my core memories. Those moments that had a tangible effect on who I am today. So we got talking - and our piano party is directly linked to one of hers.

She told me about a time she was really struggling with a major life decision. Unsure where to go next, she decided to go for a walk through the lush New Zealand forest, aiming to find a decision. Instead, she found a beautiful river in the middle of nowhere. A river she hadn’t planned for, so she walked right past. “I don’t have a change of clothes”, she thought. “No towel. I’m gonna be cold!” and all that good stuff. She really wanted to go for a swim, but the conditions just weren’t right. Right?

Wrong. “I’ve spent enough time waiting on the right conditions. I’m done.” she decided. Went for a swim in this beautiful river - and who would’ve thought: By the time she got out of the water, her decision was made too.

This was the core memory. The moment she decided to stop waiting. When she told me this story, I was stunned. This was amazing. I thought back to all the time I’ve spent waiting for the conditions to be right. Waiting to feel ready.

Just take my impromptu piano performance: I wasn’t ready at all. I haven’t had a piano to practice since I left Germany in February of 2022. So when the idea of playing came to my mind, I instantly shut it down: “I am not good enough of a piano player to just rock up to a café and start playing. I better wait until I’m good enough - then I can play.” Cool, so I just go to another café, write my essay and leave this piano unplayed until I’m good enough. Seems reasonable, right?

Wrong. When I think of my ideal self - the person I aim to become - he does stuff like this. But this is where it gets tricky: He does, but I don’t? What’s stopping me from acting the way he would? Is it really the lack of practice that keeps me from playing? Or will I just come up with a new condition that needs to be met before I can start?

If I’m not good enough to start playing, why did they ask me to stay? Maybe because they didn’t expect a world-class piano concert - but a nice chat to lighten up their work? Because the human experience doesn’t require perfect conditions?

⭐️ "The Perfect Conditions"

It’s really not that deep, right? I just sat down, chatted a bit, played some right notes and played some wrong notes. There’s nothing life-changing about any of this. Why would it require perfect conditions then? This idea that I need to be a great piano player before I start randomly playing in cafés - where did it come from?

Is there a sign on the piano that says “Don’t touch if you’re gonna make any mistakes”?

Was there a sign at the river that said “Don’t swim if you didn’t bring full swimming gear”?

Obviously not. Those rules are just made up. And dare I say - they’re just excuses? Dressed up as a reasonable concern, these sorts of rules are an easy way to postpone courage.

“I would do …, but I’m just not … yet!”.

Many of us aspire to be courageous. Try new things. To make the best of what life has to offer. But somehow, that courageous self is off somewhere in the future where the conditions are right.

Today’s self always finds a little thing that isn’t quite right yet. So today’s self waits for tomorrow’s self to do it. But tomorrow’s self is clever - he finds a new thing that isn’t ideal yet. Believe me - I’m a professional in the field. I’m amazing at finding that excuse. Even better at dressing it up so it looks like a reasonable concern. How courageous to wait until the conditions are right to be courageous.

The reason this works so well: It’s a sneaky, gradual moving of the goalpost. Feeling ready seems just around the corner. At this pace, it’s incredibly easy to wait until doomsday, just to decide that now it’s too late. The opportunity has passed - we just weren’t ready yet.

⌛️ All in due time...

In “A Man Called Ove” (which is a fantastic novel btw), Frederick Backman writes:

“We are always optimists when it comes to time. We think there will be time to do things with other people. And time to say things to them.”

I’d like to add to this list. We think there will be time to jump in the river. To jam with strangers. And sure - life throws endless great opportunities our way. But in reality, these opportunities pass just as quickly as they arose.

Unexpected, and unprepared, we find ourselves faced with a chance. A chance to brighten someone’s day, a chance to make a core memory. Or a chance to wait until the conditions are perfect.

But let’s just imagine for a moment the thing you’re waiting for is now ticked off. You come back to the river with your bathing gear. You come back to the café with hours of piano practice. Sure - these would be wonderful experiences in their own right. But they wouldn’t feel the same. There’s something magical about imperfection. Moments of “You know what? I’m doing it anyways!” Aren’t these the moments we feel most alive?

Allow me one last example to make this point: This morning when I opened the door to go for my daily sunrise swim, it was pouring rain. Less-than-ideal beach conditions, I must admit. So there was the decision again: Wait until tomorrow, or do it anyways? Given the topic of this post, you can probably guess the answer. So there I was in the water, the Pacific throwing waves at me, the clouds giving their all, while the sun peaked through tiny gaps just to say Good Morning. In that moment, it felt pretty perfect to me. Not despite the rain, but precisely because of it. Embracing the peculiarity of this specific morning, fully aware that it will never come back the same way.

It doesn't take perfect conditions to make a perfect moment. All it takes is a little bit of "Fuck it, let's do it!". So this week, do me a favour and give it a shot. Do a thing you’re not prepared for precisely because you’re not prepared for it (as long as it's not a danger to your health). And if you do - tell me about it? 👉👈🥹